Never Ever

There are many things I never did before coming to Germany and the European continent.

I never ate eggs out of Eierbecher (little egg cups) with little egg spoons. I never shined my own shoes. I never attended a wine festival. I never ate Camembert cheese with a baguette. I never ate Camembert cheese!

I never had a balcony garden, or a garden at all for that matter -- a successful one anyway. I never had a shirt with French writing on it. I never took so many photographs of castles. I never visited castles.

Before coming to Germany, I never thought clearing the table when people are done eating was a rude thing to do, but it turns out it can be if the people at the table aren't ready for it to be cleared. Before coming to Germany, I never thought sitting at a table with schmutzige Teller and Besteck was sanitary or proper. (This situation is dependent on the patience of the diners and upon whose household you're eating in. Rules change according to hierarchy. For example, the boyfriend's mother can do whatever she wants whenever she damned well pleases.)

I never drank so much coffee. Never before had I taken part in a simply-coffee-and-cake (no candles) birthday celebration. I never knew that German children can have more than one birthday cake at their parties, sans the coffee of course. Never before have I had to make my own birthday cake, but here it's tradition. Never before has anyone told me that wishing someone "happy birthday" before their big day is bad luck. Never before was enjoying coffee and cake almost a must at 2 p.m. daily.

I never looked forward to Sunday morning breakfasts at an outdoor dining table with three different flavors of jam, a bagful of sausages from a local butcher, liverwurst in a can, and rolls baked fresh that morning, until now. I never drank coffee out of a French press, before coming here. I didn't know what was going on when I witnessed Bernard making a pot of coffee in such a glass container. I also never saw people eating rolls for breakfast, then slicing their rolls and schmiering their spreads on those rolls over a round wooden plate. I never had my own round wooden plate, nor did I see the purpose in having one, but now I do and have.

I never met people from Wales or the Netherlands before coming here. I've never been told I look Welsh and since coming here still haven't, but I have been told over 10 times that I look like I'm from the Netherlands. Hmmmm. I've never wanted to learn Dutch before coming here. I've never heard any people say the word "lush" for something utterly fantastic before coming here, except when the narrator from "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" made reference to curtains or carpeting.

I never went to a doctor's office without getting my weight and blood pressure checked, but here they don't waste the time. I never got an EKG before coming here (job-related stress and a subsequent panic attack: another first). I have never been sick so often as I was here the first year. New viruses to fight? I never stood up for a breast exam. Awkward.

I have never seen candy and chocolate aisles in grocery stores as long or as consistently present as they are here. I've never received Sekt as a gift until getting it here (now many bottles have been, literally, under my belt).

I never had an English breakfast before; nor did I have an English breakfast in Ireland with an Irishman who lives in England. Never had I been to England. Never had I written a letter to the Queen about how friendly her people are and received a reply back. But now I have.

I never drove across the border to France to buy cheese and strawberries. And those strawberries tasted like they were doused with sugar -- they were so deliciously sweet. I never ate white asparagus before coming here. I still love the green better.

Never before did I imbibe so little alcohol over the course of a week. Never before have I sat at a barbecue for six hours straight, jabbing my fingernails into my thigh or hand to keep myself awake.

I never met a man who wanted me so much, because I never met a man who loved challenges as much as this one does. I never met a man as loyal as the man I met.

Never did I miss my family so much and yearn for a day on the back porch of Aunt Alice's house with cousins and slushies or a couple hours on the couch or back patio with my sisters talking about nothing important, but laughing and tearing up anyway. Never have I felt guilty about following my dreams, because I sacrifice days, hours and minutes of my son and grandson growing up, and I'm missing out. Never have I wished that I could be eight places at once.

Never before have I written a blog. Never have I been confused about word order. Never before have I put the word "or" at the end of a sentence, changing it to a question (German habit).

Never before have I met so many different kinds of people. Never before have I had so much interesting to write about.

This list could go on and on, and therefore hopefully it will.